What Do You Want Your Kids to Remember About You in Twenty Years?
A question and realization that smacked me in the face and kicked my parenting into gear this New Year
Greetings Glory Carriers!
Well, I decided my word for the year is…drumroll please…KINDNESS.
Ephesians 4:32 - “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Proverbs 31:26 - “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”
1 Corinthians 13:4 - “Love is patient and kind…
Sounds so nice doesn’t it? Except it is not so nice because it seems to be not so existent in my life as a parent at the moment.
See, we had a wonderful Christmas break at home, but it was also the Christmas break where the bickering and fighting among my kids was at an all-time high. And well, my kindness sort of just went out the window. Poof. Gone. Nowhere to be seen. If it even ever existed in the first place.
Smacked in the Face
But then there was this one morning around the New Year while snapping at my daughter to get in the car as we were running late (as usual) for church, that a haunting thought came out of nowhere and smacked me in the face:
This is how she is going to remember me in twenty years.
The harsh ruler with a short fuse, a sharp tongue and that ‘look’ of seething anger on my face. I pictured my contorted face that morning making its way into the memory bank of my daughter’s mind forever.
My heart sunk as I drove to church that day (still late) feeling defeated and discouraged, shuddering at what my children would remember about me, especially when I am in that UN-KIND mode.
Yikes.
What Will They Remember Me For?
It was enough of an impression that it led me to continue with that line of questioning later on that day of what they would remember about me in twenty years. I pulled out my journal and wrote out:
When my kids are adults, upon looking back on their childhood, I want them to remember me for…
my kindness (in tone) and self-control (in demeanor) even in times of stress and fatigue
listening deeply to them no matter what the hour
being a safe space of refuge for them to talk through difficult situations and choices
encouraging and affirming them for how God uniquely made them to be
my daily hugs and showering of affection
teaching them the Truth of the Bible and talking to them about God
reading Scripture and all kinds of books aloud together
praying for them at night and the Lord’s prayer before school
setting and keeping clear boundaries for their protection
confessing and repenting of my mistakes and asking forgiveness
being passionate and persistent in pursuing peace and resolving any and all conflict in our home and community
creating margin for our family so we could enjoy some unhurried and unscheduled days to rest, recharge and play together
laughing with them
opening our home for friends and hospitality
remembering the poor among us and finding creative ways to serve them
helping them tap into and nurture their God-given gifts and talents
This long list flowed out and though it seemed ‘idealistic’ to say the least, it gave me a new sense of focus in my parenting. Though my reality was a far cry from this list, it gave me some clear direction on tangible things I could intentionally be working on both in my personal character growth and in our home life for the benefit of my children and the memories they would carry with them.
How about you?
You may feel like you are way too far gone down the ‘utter failure’ track to even attempt any exercise like this. I understand that. And some days I feel like that too! But friend, it is never too late to course correct and start making things right, whole and good one decision at a time.
And if you’re carrying guilt and shame around your parenting, I get that too and I’ve been there. But thankfully God’s mercy never runs dry, for "if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Hallelujah.
It is never too late to go to God and start afresh.
Something Small You Can Do
Take 10 minutes and ask yourself: What do I want my kids to remember about me or our home life in twenty years? Or you can adapt it to your situation: What do I want my husband/wife to remember about me and our marriage in twenty years?
You might be surprised at what flows out. And how that can bring new levels of motivation and focus to your parenting, relating and all around home life this year.
So my word for 2025 is KINDNESS. Check back in with me in a year and see how I did, ok? What is your word or the thing for which you want to be remembered and will be working on fostering this year? I’ll check back in with you too if you want me to. Send me a message and I’ll make a note of it.
Let’s do this. We carry the glory of God within us. And because of that, nothing is impossible (Matthew 19:26).
For His Glory from my Heart and Home to Yours,
Ali
Fun Family Photo
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Wow, this resonated so deeply with me. Parenting is so humbling. We stumble and our families are often on the receiving end of our shortcomings. However, we were never meant to be perfect, and in many ways, honest conversations about our imperfections make room for our kids to learn mercy, compassion, and grace for themselves and others.
Thanks so much for sharing!