The Garden of Marriage (Part VIIII)
Cultivating the heart attitude of ONENESS in marriage as a witness of God to the world
Greetings Glory Carriers!
We are in the final few posts of The Garden of Marriage series and are looking at the more practical aspects of cultivating three specific and vital Heart Attitudes for marriage:
Heart Attitude #1: HUMILITY (we covered in the two posts, Part V and Part VI)
Heart Attitude #2: VULNERABILITY (we covered this in Part VII and Part VIII)
Heart Attitude #3: ONENESS (this week)
You can refer to this home page if you need to catch up on any of the past articles in the series.
Why Oneness Matters
In Part II, we already spoke about the oneness brought about in marriage in Genesis 2…
“Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves (dabaq: to cling, join, keep close) to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).
The imagery of a wedding starts in Genesis with Adam and Eve, but it doesn’t end there. If you fast-forward all the way to the end of the Bible, you will find the final book of Revelation speaks of another wedding:
Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
This marriage is not between a man and a woman but between Christ and His bride, the church. This divine imagery points to the spiritual oneness of God and His people. More specifically, it portrays a joyful and intimate union between Christ and his followers in the eternal kingdom.
Therefore, as Dr. Juli Slattery argues, “Everything in between Genesis and Revelation connects these two weddings.”
Whoa. Pretty weighty stuff to wrap our minds around right?
So what does this have to do with why oneness in marriage matters?
A Look at Ephesians 5
Paul addresses this question when he wrote to the Ephesian church about marriage. In explaining the roles of husband and wife, he places the earthly husband in the position of being the Christ figure:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25)
And wives in the position of the Church,
“Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:24)
Now this raises the discussion of what Paul meant by submission - and how they plays out practically in marriage - but that goes beyond the scope of this article. For now, I want us to see what he is doing here. He goes onto to quote what happened in Genesis 2:24 and then says this intriguing statement:
“This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:32)
Personally, I am glad Paul used the word ‘mystery’ because it validates us scratching our heads wondering exactly what he meant! Basically what he is saying is that the whole Bible is a story of a cosmic wedding. As Dr. Juli Slattery says in her book God, Sex and Marriage,
“From the very beginning of Genesis to the very end of Revelation. we see that God created male and female, the covenant promise of marriage, and the sexual union of husband and wife to be not only sacred, but symbolic.”
Author and teacher Christopher West explains it this way:
“The Bible can be summed up in five words: God wants to marry us.”
God embedded within His creation the physical act and expression of marriage between husband and wife to point to the profound spiritual truth of God’s desire and ultimate plan for intimate oneness with His people. That is what your marriage, my marriage, all marriages - whether we are aware of it or not - are meant to symbolize.
Boom. Mic drop.
Why the Positional Reality of Oneness is Not Enough
Positionally and mysteriously, when we cross over into the covenant of marital love, we are no longer two but one. You can look at your partner now and say truthfully, regardless of what your marriage looks or feels like, “We are one.”
Positionally (and mysteriously) that is true.
But knowing now why oneness matters, because it is a sign and symbol that is communicating something to the world, it now makes the expression of and practical outworking of oneness of utmost importance.
What do I mean?
Oneness Convinces People of the Reality of God
Jesus speaks of oneness in the context of the Church, that it would convince the world He was real,
“...that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. (John 17:21, emphasis added)
This applies to oneness in marriage, that it can similarly makes visible the invisible reality of God.
“Christian marriage enables a man and woman, through the abiding grace of the Holy Spirit, to…form a partnership of life and love that manifests to the world the faithful, self-emptying love of Christ for the Church.” – Leon J. Suprenant Jr.,Family of God
This helps us realize that because our marriages - in their oneness - are so theologically rich in meaning, that there is also spiritual opposition seeking to divide what God has intended to be one.
Things that can and are destroying oneness and bringing division in marriage are little decisions that add up to create a life that physically and visibly is separate, rather than a life that is together. Decisions around…
Our screens
Our schedules
Our priorities
Our passions
Our friends
Our cravings and appetites
Two people, though positionally one in marriage, can easily remain in expression two, without even realizing it. And this reduces the witnessing power of marriage to point to God’s desire for spiritual oneness with His people.
What is the expression of oneness, of togetherness (or lack thereof), in your marriage communicating at the moment?
The Call to Cultivate Oneness
This is a call to do our part to cultivate habits that foster oneness - which is essentially togetherness - in all of life. To help see some categories to cultivate, consider the four ‘S’s’:
Social life
Spiritual life
Scheduled life
Sexual life
What are some of the ways we can do this? Next week, I will share seven practical ways to cultivate a stronger expression of oneness in your marriage. The symbolic meaning and power that it holds, it too important not to.
Have a blessed rest of the week and chew on these question for reflection:
When people look at my marriage, do they see oneness? In what ways?
When people look at my marriage, do they see division, or a lack of oneness? What are those areas?
Lift these discoveries to God, and ask that His grace and guidance would come into your life to bridge any gaps of oneness in your marriage, that it may serve as a faithful witness to the marriage supper of the Lamb that awaits all who believe!
For His Glory from My Heart and Home to Yours,
Ali
Fun Family Photo of the Week
Book of the Week
Ali, thank you for this! It throws a whole new light on earthy marriage to think of it as a true symbol of oneness with God. I can’t wait to read more about the practical tips for cultivating oneness in marriage.