Six Tips to Help You Create More Margin for Your Family

Intentional rhythms that have helped my own family live with greater peace and joy in a world that loves to be busy

Photo by 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič on Unsplash

Greetings Glory Carriers!

What’s going on in your world this week? We have another guest visiting from the US, my husband’s dear Aunt Winanne, so it has been fun showing her our world here in the Philippines. Getting to spend quality time with family members we don’t get to see that often is truly a gift.

Last week, my newsletter topic was Is Your Family Too Busy? and while it had some thoughtful engagement and responses, I also had this niggling feeling of not knowing whether or not the topic was resonating with my readers - that’s you!

But I am determined to press on to discover what topics really do matter and mean something to you, my dear readers and friends. And how to best serve and help you in keeping your family grounded and growing in your faith in a world competing for your hearts, time and attention. Please don’t hesitate to shoot me a line and share with me what burning topics, questions and challenges you would like to see me explore here at Homes of Glory. I would love to hear from you.

Thank you for your continued support of my creative work and for your companionship on the journey of ‘learning as we go’ parenting and faith life. It is much better to do it together than alone!

Okay, now for today…

When You Want to Create More Margin for Your Family, but Don’t Know Where to Start

I am not sure what your season of parenting is, or what unique challenges you are facing as you raise your child or children or grandchildren, nieces or nephews in our fast-paced world, but if there is any inkling of a thought or desire in you to create more margin for your family, but don’t know where to start, then keep reading.

As promised from last week’s newsletter, I’ve shared some very simple and practical tips to help you take a step or two towards creating a bit more margin - which can lead to stronger relationships with God and others, greater peace in your home and deeper joy - no matter what season you are in.

So for what it’s worth, here are six tips to help you adjust busyness levels in your family…

#1 Assess and observe how your kids are really doing

When trying to determine if your family is too busy, or if they would benefit from having more margin in your schedule, it may help to observe your children during any given week and ask some questions like:

• Are my kids generally happy? Or are they grumpy all the time?

• Are they enjoying the rhythms we have laid out for our days and weekends (for the most part)? Or are they begging and battling me for more breaks and down time?

• Are they getting enough rest? Or are they exhausted all the time?

These questions we can ask ourselves from time to time, and ask them too. I actually leaned heavily on my eight-year-old daughter’s insightful remark in the earlier part of this school year when discerning how many and what activities to do. She said rather matter-of-factly,

“Mommy, I just like to be able to come home from school, get a snack and play.”

I am so glad I heard, really heard, her need being expressed there. While there are times as parents we are called to gently push our kids to engage and try new things, sometimes we need to simply ask them what they think they need and after hearing them, make an informed decision.

#2 Try an ‘experiment’ that involves a regular un-scheduled chunk of time in the week

As I wrote about last week, my family has be conducting an experiment that entails intentionally leaving Saturday mornings (at the very least) completely un-scheduled, allowing more time for rest, recharging after a long week and free-play.

To try your own experiment, talk as a family and see whether there is a day or half-day (Saturday or Sunday?) or afternoon/evening in the week, where you can commit to keeping that chunk of time un-scheduled.

Then, commit to a set period of time, like during the Lenten period (fasting from busyness!) or for the rest of the school year. Set it up as an ‘experiment’ and see what you learn as you try this new rhythm.

#3 Know your ‘why’

When trying a new experiment for your family, it is important to know your ‘why.’ Why are you doing it? What makes this rhythm worth fighting for?

I shared last week, that our why for keeping Saturdays unscheduled is to fiercely protect and preserve three things that we feel are most important to our family right now:

• Family togetherness (they are away at school all week, so the weekend is time to bond and reconnect)

• Time to rest and recharge (Six days of the week we are up at 6am and out the door, so having one day we can slow down is something I felt we all needed)

• Time and space for free play (kids develop best when they are playing, which seems to me like a rare commodity these days!)

What is your why? When temptations come in to compromise what you’ve set out to do in your experiment (and they will come), it helps to recall the ‘why’ of what you’re doing to give you strength and resolve to keep going the distance of your commitment.

#4 Keep screens out of the equation during the un-scheduled time (as much as possible)

This one is especially for those with kids ages two to twelve. If the screens are there as an option, I have noticed that my kids will gravitate towards them like a magnet and the un-scheduled time turns into glorified screen time. For me, that is defeating the purpose of the entire experiment (though I realize this may not be the case for everyone).

If you do share the goal along with me to give space for (and in some cases resurrect) free play in your child’s life, I believe it helps tremendously if the screens are off limits or at least highly regulated.

Tip: Something that has worked for our family since the pandemic days, a rhythm which we sort of accidentally fell into, is declaring a set two-hour ‘TV time’ (watching together on the large screen, not a phone or iPad) at the same time on weekend days from 1-3pm. We’ve decided to remove screen time entirely on weekdays during the school year and that has also worked very well.

Setting the same time on the weekend days has removed the option for screens at any other time of the day, which are hours used for other things like games and free play. This system may not work for everyone, but I think it can be helpful to hear what others are doing, which may spark some ideas of how to manage usage in your own home.

#5 Remember that creativity flourishes on the heels of boredom

Sometimes we feel as a parents we need to do everything in our power to spare our kids from being bored. So we make them busy! I used to do this a lot. But in recent years, I have learned that boredom is actually our best friend. It is when my kids say, “I’m bored!” that I can literally set the timer and within 15-minutes they will be off and playing in their own world.

Allowing our kids space to be bored is what kicks in the creativity center of their brains and helps them come up with imaginative ideas. So get comfortable with boredom, it is what will help your kids play - or learn to play again!

So next time they moan and groan that they are bored, say, “Great! What are you going to do about it?” You can give them some ideas to get them going, but try to refrain from rescuing them with a screen or structured activity that you are directing. Sometimes I tell my kids some of the things I used to do as a kid and they like hearing this and it seems to spur them on in their own playing.:)

#6 Have a check-in date and adjust things as needed

When we’ve established new rhythms and habits in our home, it has been helpful to keep in mind that nothing has to be forever. While some things in the home environment we may keep steady and constant through the years of growth (such as mealtimes and churchgoing for example) other things will be changing and adjusting with the ages of the children. In fact, that is what makes parenting hard in my opinion, is the need to be constantly adapting with each developmental stage!

Set a time frame of your experiment with a date for a check-in. If things are going well at that point, keep it. If they are not, ditch it and try something else. You can always adjust, tweak or build on it as you go.

At the end of this school year, we will check in about our Saturdays and decide whether to keep our un-scheduled rhythm in place or adjust it.

Aiming for Progress, Not Perfection

I hope these simple tips have given you some inspiration and ideas for how to take small steps to create some more margin in your family, as needed. I certainly don’t feel like I have it all figured out - and I never want to give off the impression that I do. We don’t always know what will ‘work’ for our family, but trying new things might lead to some really good things. And we’ll never know unless we try.

I love the maxim, “Progress, not perfection.” That is what we are after and hope it is an encouragement to you too. Keep going good and faithful servant. And rest in the fact that you are doing your best TODAY. And His “…mercies are new every morning” (Lamentations 3:22-23). Hallelujah to that. By God’s amazing grace, we are given the chance for a fresh start every day. I don’t know about you, but God knows, I often need it!

Entrusting Our Children into God’s Divine Care

At the end of the day, we do our best, but ultimately we must entrust each of our children into the divine care of our Lord, who promises to hold them in the palm of His mighty hand. When our precious ‘sheep’ are in the care of their Good Shepherd, no one can snatch them out of His hand - that is a promise (see John 10:28). Join me in praying this prayer of entrusting your children afresh to God our Father and our Lord Jesus Christ:

Dear Lord, I choose this moment to release each of my children (say them by name) to You. I place them into Your Mighty Hand and relinquish my every tendency and temptation to control, coddle or cling to them as if they are my personal pet projects. Forgive me Lord! Help me to trust that You are their Good Shepherd and You are at work to guide them, protect them and lead them into the way, Your Way, everlasting, even when we cannot see or know all You are doing. Thank you that they rest in the palm of Your Mighty Hand right now, and that I can therefore rest knowing that they are safe in Your divine care. In your name I pray, Amen.

For His Glory From My Heart and Home to Yours,

Ali

Fun Family Photo of the Week

Reading with our beloved Aunt Winanne, who is a retired elementary school teacher, visiting us all the way from California!

Quote of the Week

“No one who has his eyes open, needs to be reminded of what is happening to the family. When it goes, so will society. The family is society’s basic unit of love, security, learning, and cooperation – a unit blessed by God.” - Roger C. Palms, Living Under the Smile of God

Movie of the Week

This was an interesting film, but certainly a touching one that will make you reflect on the passage of time, life choices, relationships and the significance of physical spaces we live in. Worth a watch - for Tom Hanks - if nothing else!:)