Give Yourself Permission to Be Broken - Jesus Did
A Lenten reflection that calls us to trust that in the midst of our brokenness, it is He who comes to us and heals us
It is Not Fun or Easy to Admit We Are Broken
“Oh no, broken mommy, broken!”
My son recently discovered that when you throw something on the floor and it breaks, it needs fixing.
It is not difficult to identify a broken toy or a broken toilet, but when it comes to our spiritual lives, we often fail to acknowledge the broken areas that need God’s healing touch:
My marriage is struggling.
My heart is broken over a loss I never grieved.
I was sexually abused as a child.
My husband had an affair and I don’t know what to do with my anger.
I am battling a porn addiction.
I had an abortion as a teenager and never told anyone about it.
We tend to shove all these ‘unpleasant’ aspects of our lives under the rug and hope that no one else - including God - will see them. The shame and embarrassment of our broken places can often feel like too much to bear, let alone face.
Believe me, I know.
My (Many) Broken Places
Over the 19 years I have been a committed Christian, I am thankful that God has placed me in communities of faith that taught and encouraged a theology of healing as part of the sanctification journey. In other words, part of the Christian life meant opening up our full selves to God and allowing Him to touch and heal our broken places by the tenderness of His love and power of His Spirit.
Like an injured patient in need of heart surgery, I have gotten up on that ‘operating table’ time and time again, allowing my Divine Surgeon to show me what is broken, how it got that way and whether it needs removing, redeeming or restoring.
Over the years, the Lord, in His great mercy, gentleness and kindness has helped me to address - and has brought healing - to aspects of my own broken places, such as:
deep wounds (and lies believed) from a bullying experience in high school
a complicated relationship with my twin sister that for years was riddled with resentment, bitterness and conflict
a fractured relationship with my parents after years of my rebellion, dishonesty and hurtful choices
painful memories from many years of partying and heavy drinking amidst a ‘hook-up’ culture
dealing with rejection in a relationship I thought was going somewhere
acknowledging the pain my hurtful words caused my fiance at the time (who is my now husband) and took years to repair
confronting feelings of jealously and envy I had towards a classmate in seminary
facing the pain of my grief of losing my mom the year I became a mom myself
repenting of my prideful attitude after a close friend and ministry partner gave me honest feedback I needed to hear
asking forgiveness from my sister, who was hurt by my words and reactions during a difficult time in her life
Acknowledging and dealing with an inherited pattern of anger that had caused hurt and pain in my closest relationships
Admitting our broken places is not easy, neat, tidy or pretty. It is often ugly, painful and embarrassing. But when we present these areas to God, He truly does turn our broken pieces into something beautiful.
Each of the items listed above, I can now share them without shame because I know God has brought healing and wholeness in some way to everyone one of those broken places. Some of them were immediate, but others took years and a patient journey of walking in step-by-step obedience and trust by the guidance and power of the Holy Spirit.
How about you? What are some of your broken places that need His healing touch?
Jesus Gives Us Permission to Be Broken
As we enter into the Lenten Season (starting today), we must realize that this strategy of ‘hiding’ our brokenness is not what Jesus modeled.
His body was literally broken – not in some private closet – but exposed for all to see. He was naked. Disrobed. Mocked. I can only imagine His disciples looking on in utter horror at his shameful death wondering, What is happening? Where is God? Why doesn’t He do something?
But something was happening in this horrific scene of brokenness that would extend into eternity. For it was only in His being broken before us that paved the way for the resurrection. It was only because His brokenness was allowed to be seen that the resurrection was so powerful and utterly transforming. From pain, darkness and death springs new life filled with hope and peace.
It was in this utter place of brokenness that our Lord gave (and still gives) us, as human beings, permission to be broken, vulnerable and undone. Our job as Christians is not to have it all together all the time, but to be able to trust that in the midst of our brokenness, it is He who comes to us and heals us. From the inside out.
“The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart” (Psalm 34:18) writes the psalmist and “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). We can receive these words over and over again as we go through the ups and downs of life. But what does it look like practically?
Being Broken Before God - and Others
We all have parts of ourselves and our lives that are broken. He invites us to acknowledge those broken parts, first with Him, but also with others. James reminds us of the importance of leaning into community where we can receive His supernatural healing,
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16)
It’s one thing to name your pain or shame for yourself, but you put a stake in the ground when you share it with someone else. As Dr. Juli Slattery says,
“You were not meant to heal alone. You are not able to heal alone. You need God’s help, and you also need to lean on the people He has placed around you.”
Yikes. This can be scary. And it is often out of fear that keeps us from the relational intimacy required for our healing. We think, What if they judge or reject me? Maybe it is just safer to keep everything sealed in a tomb of silence.
It is safer, for sure. But it can also rob us of the potential healing, freedom and transformation God wants to bring into our broken places. Confessing our sins and painful experiences to one another is often the first step towards healing. It requires taking a risk and being vulnerable, admitting to another person where we have fallen short or failed in the past, where we are missing the mark in the present, and also admitting how we are really feeling about life and about God.
Are you feeling disappointed with God?
Do you have a neediness and insecurity you don’t understand?
Are you living with a nagging sense of guilt over a relationship that was never restored?
Are you battling feelings of jealousy with your friends achieving more success than you?
Are you struggling to get up in the morning due to crippling fear and anxiety?
Do you worry if God is mad at you or upset with you for not doing or being enough?
Are you riddled with guilt every day from losing your temper with your kids?
This, my friends, is human brokenness. And I’ll say it again: we all have our own blend of it. But it is our choice whether we want to face it and ask the Lord to fix it.
Bring Your Brokenness Into the Light
Here are some practical ways you can bring your brokenness, whatever it is, from the hidden corners of your heart into the broad daylight of a safe space:
Through a trusted friend. Commit to meeting with a friend regularly to be daringly honest with each other and pray for each other.
Through a trained counselor or coach. Book a session to work through some of the “gunk” in your life, such as losses, disappointments and strained relationships.
Through an anointed prayer minister. Seek out the prayer ministry at your church and ask for prayer. This is one of the best ways to practice opening up about our brokenness and experience the healing presence of God’s Spirit that comes through the prayers of another.
Through a time of family devotion and prayer. We can model to our children that brokenness is a part of life. Depending on the ages of our kids, we can bring the broken areas of our lives forth as a confession or a prayer and let them see that God’s glory is seen as we allow Him in to heal the broken places of our lives.
When we learn to follow Jesus’ example of bringing our brokenness into the light, we will be amazed at the power (the same power that raised Jesus from the dead!) that starts to break through in our hearts and homes to bring His healing, restoration and new life. Letting people into our messy places is a sure road to freedom.
This Lenten season, why not try it and see what happens?
From My Heart and Home to Yours on this Ash Wednesday,
Ali
Fun Family Photo of the Week
Lenten Resource Not to Miss
I am grateful that the Biola University Center for Christianity, Culture, and the Arts once again is doing the Lent Project: a 53-day aesthetically guided meditation on Christ’s life, death, and resurrection.
The Lent Project is a daily devotional series celebrating the Lent season through art, music, poetry, prayer, Scripture, and a written devotion. The goal is to help individuals to quiet their hearts and enter into a daily routine of worship and reflection during this meaningful season. I will be participating in it with my church and I hope you will consider joining too! You can access the devotions and more information here.
Quote of the Week
“Honesty is not an expression only to God about the feelings we have for him, but an awareness of ourselves. We have to admit what we feel and we have to admit what we are. There is sin, there is guilt, and we are loaded with both. Denying this is like denying the diagnosis of cancer – it is still there. Shutting our eyes won’t make it go away….If we refuse to believe that there is anything to forgive, we will not recognize any occasion for a redeemer. “
- Roger C. Palms, Living Under the Smile of God
Dear Ali, thank you for your tender and vulnerable message... it shines light into dark places that need to be brought to the surface. You're so right in that we ALL have brokenness in us, that can only be healed by God's grace. Thank you for the reminder that Jesus came for our healing and wholeness. Bless you!